Blogmas | A Funny Sort of Christmas

I know I promised that I'd vlog Christmas Day but after looking back at the footage I realised that we only actually filmed me sleeping and eating and completely forgot to film opening presents, or making Christmas dinner, or playing games or pretty much any of the fun stuff, sorry!

It was a funny sort of Christmas really, for me at least. I've been putting off writing this post because I think it will make me sound a bit ungrateful, or a bit of a scrooge. Perhaps it's been a funny sort of Christmas because it's been a funny sort of month. I've been prepping since way back in November and I'd actually bought and wrapped a number of presents even before then. My tree went up on the 29th this year as the 1st December was midweek and it seemed much simpler to put up the weekend before. I decorated the flat, made an advent calendar and baked festive treats. Then my Granny passed away and sadness and uncertainty took over for a little while. I was still as excited for this Christmas Day as any though, and though it is unheard of for me to be able to sleep on Christmas Eve  and struggle to wake up on Christmas day this year I did. 

In the build up of the festive period I almost forgot about Christmas day itself and on Christmas morning Harry woke me up at 8am and I felt a bit confused. Ever since I can remember I've been up early begging to open presents. Still we opened the curtains, switched on the lights and laughed as we opened almost identical stockings. Next we went into the living room and hunger took over as I ripped open the brioche Christmas tree and popped the Bucks Fizz. We opened presents in an excited frenzy as once again our families had gone overboard. I was lucky enough to get everything I could've wanted and more. Afterwards the excitement died down though and I had to have a little doze on the sofa while Harry started on the cooking. 

From there the day had its usual peaks and troughs as I expect everyones does. Everyone gets a bit stressed in the kitchen, people get tetchy when Christmas lunch is running late and we're all starving as no-one has eaten much expect chocolate and alcohol. Then we eat and everyone's spirits shoot up again over delicious food and the pulling of crackers. After dinner we play games until everyone is too tired and too full. 

Perhaps it's because I'm getting older. Perhaps it's because I'm yet to have children of my own and it really is the kids that make Christmas what it is. Perhaps it's that Christmas is not the same when I was a child, with all the family around, my uncles falling asleep on the sofa, all of us under one roof. Perhaps (and I expect it is) it's just me. 

Because actually there wasn't a problem with Christmas. Though it was late the Christmas lunch tasted amazing. We may have been a bit tense at times but we spent time having fun as a family. I feel incredibly grateful that I got so many lovely presents. but actually suddenly having a pile of stuff in front of me didn't make me feel any happier inside. No the problem was, and still is, with me. The feeling didn't go away when Christmas was over and I woke up on Boxing Day morning. I've struggled ever since. I find being out of routine hard. The flat is a mess of leftover food, presents that we need to find homes for and piles of washing up. Not a day has gone by where we haven't gone to visit family. I'm finding it difficult to truly relax, when things aren't going right or the havoc of Christmas just gets too much I find it hard not to snap, and on top of it all I feel incredibly guilty for just not being happier when it's the happiest time of the year. 

I'm sorry this post has been a bit of a downer, especially at Christmas. Normally I'd never dream of telling anyone exactly how I felt (no-one ever really wants to know when they as how your Christmas was). I guess I just didn't want to cover it up and seeing as I don't have the videos or the photos to present you with a perfect Christmas day post I figured I'd just be honest. I hope I don't seem ungrateful as I know I'm extremely lucky, and although I have been quite negative in this post of course it hasn't been all doom and gloom. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, but I also want you to know that it's ok if you didn't, and even if the day was everything it should've been and more it's ok to feel inside that something was missing. 



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